Updated: Dec 2, 2021
I had a lot of scary fun writing this blog post (scary fun is still fun, right?), because I decided to talk about letting go of control. Some of you maybe be thinking this is nothing special, but anyone who knows me, knows that Anna is the Queen of control (yes capital Q!). I am probably not such a big control queen as I used to be, but I am still pretty big on control.
The difference is that I have changed my perspective on what I choose to control now. That’s the twist. And I invite you now to do the same.
Have you ever been in a situation when you got angry and irritated? You lost patience with kids for not cleaning up after themselves or your significant other for leaving the mower in the front yard? How many times you were driving and got furious because somebody cut you off for no reason? You’re probably nodding your head because some variation of those situations happened to you before. It happens to all of us, and they are annoying.
How about last year, where your life was turned upside down and you didn’t know how the next day would look like? A lot of us went into a frenzy, feeling agitated, complaining about restrictions and the inability to do things we took for granted.
Although the above are different scenarios, they have a common theme. Do you know what it is?
Yes. You’re right.
Something happened outside of your control. And that got you angry.
Anger is one of our prime emotions and it’s normal to feel it (yes, it’s OK to feel angry). In the animal world anger is experienced when an essential need is threatened. In the human world, you feel anger because your ego got threatened.
Can you think about the last time you had an argument with someone you cared about? Maybe you started with some mild difference of opinions, then it turned into difference in points of view on life, and then it turned into a screaming match. It used to happen to me more often than I want to admit.
Each time after an argument like that, I would be fuming and analysing in my head the whole situation over and over again, each time coming up with different reasons why the other person was wrong and not me and how they treated me unfairly. Does this sound like you?
Anger can tell you that something is not right. But the breakthrough for me was once I realised that I was angry because I wanted to control the outcome of a situation, I had no control over.
And that was good news. Because once you are clear that some things are out of your control you can make one of the biggest mindshifts ever.
Let go of control
You need to face the fact that there are things in life you can control and there are things in life you can’t control. Period.
Believe me, I know it’s easier said than done. But let’s start with the obvious.
You can’t control the economy, the government, somebody’s else behaviour. You can’t control the mood of other people, how they handle their challenges and how they project their dramas onto you. You can’t control the weather, big corporations, or the taxes.
Think how much energy you use arguing over something which is out of your control. Wouldn’t you rather use that energy to shift your perspective and make good things happening in your life?
Now, look at all those things you have control over. You have control how you respond to a situation, you can control your attitude, your behaviour, and your mood, you can control your health, the way you spend your time, or how you show up.
So, what are the things you are getting frustrated at? Are those things you have control over or not?
Because if you don’t. You have to accept it and let it go.
Probably one of the hardest things I ever needed to do was to let go of control. We, humans, want to be in control so much because it gives us that needed security. So, we want to control everything. But letting go of things I couldn’t control, freed up my mind so I could see what I could control and focus on that. And you know what? That gave me control!
Letting go of control is a process. And I am going to be honest with you, sometimes I still catch myself being angry over things I can’t control. But the more often I catch myself and the more often I can shift my perspective to focus on things I can control, the easier it gets.
The last year has shown you clearly that certain things are out of your control. In the great spectrum of things, there are so many things we couldn’t control before, that last year’s events brought it to another level. But use your precious resources of energy and time wisely my friend. How can you change your perspective? You may not have control if the local gym is closed or not because of a lockdown, but you still have control if you exercise or not.
Let your anger to bubble up and check with yourself if you feel that way because you want to control a situation which is out of your control or somebody else’s behaviour or mood? Or are you angry because something you see is unfair to you, but you see potential to change it? Focus on the things you can control because this is the way you set yourself up for a success.
Will you ask me if I am still Queen of Control? Hell, yes! But now I focus on the things I can control: my behaviour, my attitude, my mood, and how I show up to the world.
So, tell me what are you controlling now that you are willing to let go of?
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Having problems with taking control? Go on: www.annadoktor.com.au to find out more about Anna Doktor Wellness Coaching and how I can help you to create the life you always wanted. Alternatively, send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org or call to have a chat to see how we can work together tel: 0498016440.