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Why is it so hard to make lasting changes in life?

Updated: Dec 2, 2021

Have you ever made an action plan but never followed up on it? Have you ever signed up for a class, webinar, or a meeting but never attended? Or have you ever said to yourself, I’m quitting tomorrow! but… well you know you never quit?

Me too!

I love making action plans, coming up with strategies, and creating to-do lists. And although I don’t want to admit it, quite often those strategies and plans ended up in a draw than turned into live-action. Are you with me on this one?

I know, it’s frustrating but let me show you a few key players responsible for this here.

The tomorrow that never comes

Scarlett O’Hara summed it up the best: ‘I’ll think about it tomorrow’. But the issue with tomorrow is that more often than not tomorrow never comes. And you’re still stuck on the couch binge-watching the latest episode on how to get fit, you’re eating junk food, and overwhelm is running your life. I’ve lost count of how many times a day I say ‘I need to change this!’

The science is overwhelming, you know you need to take care of yourself better if you want to be the loving parent your kids need, have the energy and time to have real fun in your life, find true purpose in your life so you can support yourself and your family financially and emotionally. You know something needs to change in your life if you want different results.

But why is it so hard to do it?

You may be waiting for the motivation which never comes, for the little ‘push’ you never get, or the perfect moment when all your ducks are in the row and the time for a change is simply perfect. But you also know this, that perfect time never comes. Do you want to know the secret? There is no magic wand which makes you want to ‘feel like it’ because simply your brain wasn’t designed that way.

Let’s get comfortable

You like to be in your comfort zone. Things are familiar, you know what results to expect, you know what comes next. It’s the perfect zone to add some stability to your otherwise hectic life.

I get it. You need that comfort zone to feel safe and secured, to be confident and show up as the well-manicured self. It’s that cosy zone when you can be yourself. But really?

Staying in your comfort zone for too long will rob you out of creativity, excitement, enjoyment, and growth. A comfort zone can pretty quickly turn into a death zone. Staying too long in your comfort zone will shut the windows of opportunities and close the doors of possibilities. Who wants to stay in a zone without fresh air?

The unchanged life

I’m going to be bold here and say that you don’t want to change. That’s right, you don’t want to change because of one reason: you’re getting something out of staying unchanged.

Because you see, on some level you are getting something for staying stuck. So, ask yourself this: what is it that you’re getting out of staying in the state you are in?

Do you eat too much, drink too much, sleep too much or too little, shop too much, exercise too much or not at all, take on endless commitments, argue too much, or dramatize too much?

Do you play the victim rather than taking stock of your emotions?

You’ve created a lot of habits and activities which have become your coping mechanism to survive the overwhelm, stress, and anxiety in your life. Some coping mechanisms are essential to survival and will keep you alive, but some will keep you from living your life.

So, what copying mechanisms still serve you now? Do they give you control of your life or do they stop you from doing the things you want to do? Which one is it?

If they keep you from living your life, what are you getting out of repeating them?

Is it because they help you forget about the pain, frustrations, and fear? Or is it because it’s that much easier to let the outside circumstances to rule your life and forget the whole responsibility thing?

What is it? Say it out loud and out in the open. Because my friend just now you’ve opened doors for change.


Maybe, it all started with lack of motivation, time, or energy. Or maybe waiting for that tomorrow which never comes keeps you stationary? Is your comfort zone a little bit too comfortable? Maybe you know you can’t grow professionally in your current job, but the stability of boredom still has some appeal? At what level staying unchanged and not taking any real action to do anything about your life serves you? What are you getting out of staying the same, not living to your real potential, and letting the overwhelm to run the shots?

But you know what? That tomorrow may come, it may come for you now. Let yourself off the hook and take that action plans, strategies, and to-do lists from the draw to make some changes.

To get you started, you need clarity. You need clarity about your comfort zone and the coping mechanisms you created which make you stuck in a runt. Get clear about the reason why you don’t want to do anything about your life. What is it that going on the other side seems like going through a mine zone? Get clear on that and your reason will disappear.

So, tell me what are you getting out of doing nothing to change your life?

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Having problems with taking action to change your life? Go on: to find out more about Anna Doktor Wellness Coaching and how I can help you to create the life you always wanted. Alternatively, send me an email at or call to have a chat to see how we can work together tel: 0498016440.

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