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My Dear Fear, let’s be friends.

Updated: Dec 2, 2021


I have felt fear a lot in my life. Raise your hand if you have felt fear too.


The time when you move out of home as an adult when you go travelling and living overseas, when you go for your first important date or that job interview you really want to nail, your wedding, buying your first house, having a baby, starting a business, when you find out someone you love is dying of life-threatening illness, or when your kids grow up and are ready to start their own journey or when you win the lottery, get that job promotion you wanted or when you take an expansive breath because you are happy.


Often fear is associated with something negative, with something that needs to be feared. Imagine that? But often fear is present when positive events are happening in your life too.


Because not all fear is bad. I invite you to become friends with your fear so you can look at your best companion each time you need a little push to live a healthy and fulfilling life.


Why do you feel fear?


Fear is one of our prime emotions. If it wasn’t for fear, you would most likely not be here today. Fear was vital for survival. It allowed us to react quickly if necessary, warned us of any danger present, and helped us to avoid life-threatening situations. In the animal kingdom, only fearful animals survive – their fear tells them when to retract and well, survive.


Fear is one of the main emotions while growing up. Through fear, children learn how to avoid situations which may get them into trouble.


So why are you so afraid of fear?


As we evolved so did fear. Nowadays you are not afraid of situations which may kill you (hello bungee jumping, sky diving, racing, shooting, safari anyone?). Now, fear makes you feel shy, anxious, lacking self-confidence, not being good enough, or feeling fear of failure, success, rejection, and fear from moving ahead in life.


Fear is stored in our memory. If you were taught as a child to be afraid of something, most likely this fear will manifest in your adult life, stopping you from moving forward.


But what if you flip the coin?


How many times have you felt excited despite the present danger? How many times were you facing a scary situation, but you walked through that door anyways?


Believe it or not, but fear is regarded as one of the biggest motivators. It can push you from inaction to action, from not making a decision to making one. It can start your journey from living unhealthy life to living a healthy one.


What would happen if you admitted that you should thank fear because it got you that promotion you wanted, that date with this gorgeous man you dreamt about, or maybe it got you out from an abusive relationship, bankruptcy, or addiction?


Look at this side of the coin.


Are you smiling yet?


How to befriend fear


There are a lot of excellent techniques to use to overcome your fear. Depending on how deep your fear is, different techniques would work. They require time, but wouldn’t that be time well spent if you could start living your life again?


But for now, I want you to start with some bravery instead.


Wait. What?


Yes, I want you to ask yourself the bravest question ever: if you were BRAVE, what would you do instead? This is just a question, so no fear required, but the answer may surprise even you. What if you were brave and you would apply for the job you want? What if you were brave and had the conversation you didn’t want to have? How would that change your life? What if you were brave and faced it once and for all that the food you eat does not nourish you?


If you befriend your fear, you can open doors you never knew were there. And find some clarity in the question itself. Because you see, once you gain some clarity, you can act on it. You can shift your mindset and take yourself out of the survival mode.


I remember when I asked myself this question for the first time. It scared me. And I didn’t know the answer. But the more curious I was, the more often I asked it of myself, the braver my answers became, and I was able to start the friendship.


Because fear is always going to be there. It’s not something you can avoid if you sit quietly. Even if you rise to the top, have all your As in your pocket, fear will be right there with you, trying to keep you in line. Wouldn’t it be easier if you took a friend rather than an enemy on this journey?


Conclusion


Your brain is designed to survive, so you will always be looking out for danger. But fear, dare I say it, is reasonable, and it is there to help you survive. So, use it. More often than not, it’s our thinking which gets us into a frenzy over-complicating the situation. We imagine things which are not there, create horror stories just to find out later that it was only our imagination.


Maybe you feel fear because you are close to something important to you and it is there to motivate you to take action? The other side is not as scary as you may think. What if you were BRAVE and you crossed to the other side?


So, if you were BRAVE, what would you do instead of feeling fear?


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Having problems with overcoming your fears? Go on: www.annadoktor.com.au to find out more about Anna Doktor Wellness Coaching and how I can help you to create the life you always wanted. Alternatively, send me an email at anna@annadoktor.com.au or call to have a chat to see how we can work together tel: 0498016440.


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