You can feel it coming, don’t you? The big family gathering is happening this Sunday, you have to do the meal planning, grocery shopping, prepare the guest rooms. On top of that, you have a work deadline, you noticed your spouse has been behaving strangely lately but you don’t know what happened, and you had yet another argument with your teen daughter.
To say that you feel stressed, overwhelmed and spinning is an understatement.
How do I know?
Because you are human, and feeling that way is normal.
After all, all you want is to have a great time with your loved ones, feel relaxed, and have a meaningful conversation with your spouse and your daughter. You want to stop feeling that overwhelming pressure of doing it all.
You’re in luck today. Let me show you how to do it.
But, before we start, are you part of my community? Join my newsletter to get the latest action steps on how to eat a healthy plant-based diet, de-stress, manage your time better, prioritize yourself, and anything in between so that you INCREASE your energy, SAVE time and INVEST well in your wellness!
OK, Ready?
The Happy Family
Don’t you just love looking at the front cover of a magazine where a happy, smiling family is posing in front of the camera? Ever wish that was you?
Everyone looks so happy, relaxed, and like they truly enjoy themselves. There is no stress, no pressure, no spilled wine on the tablecloth and nobody wears a dirty apron, yet someone surely did the cooking. And probably even cleaning still looking refreshed.
You can feel through the paper that they all love each other, they understand each other, and they truly care.
How about you? Is that you? Or could that be you?
Laughter is contagious. And the happiness of the people we love is our happiness in a way. To bond with people, we care about, is essential.
The Nuclear Family
Do you start your day feeling annoyed because someone left dirty dishes in the sink although you cleaned the kitchen last night? Or are you feeling frustrated because you asked your spouse to pick up the dry cleaning two days ago and it still hasn’t happened?
I know that you love and care for your close ones, but sometimes it is hard to communicate with them, isn’t it?
But it is not only this.
You feel like you are losing a meaningful connection with people you care about.
It adds to your already stressed-out mind, you can feel it in your body, and it impacts your eating habits. You intended to reduce the lollies but with what’s going on you find it hard to follow through on your plans.
You open your wardrobe, and you can’t find anything that fits you the way it used to.
And it gets even worse. You have started this self-talk where you put yourself down.
Increase Your Value by 50%
Warren Buffett says that effective communication skills can increase your value by 50%. And that is not only in the financial world.
If you can communicate clearly with others, you increase the chance of the other person understanding what you mean. And that is invaluable.
Possessing effective communication skills may be presented as an art, but if you feel stressed and anxious making yourself clear can be hard regardless.
Do you know that stress shuts down your ability to communicate clearly?
When you are under the stress response, the fight or flight response, the logical side of your brain is temporarily disconnected, and your emotional side takes over.
The result is that your emotions drive your responses, actions, and yes, your communication with others.
When your body communicates to your mind that you are not safe, the adrenaline increases, and it is nearly impossible to stay calm and rationally have a discussion. Making a concise decision or an important conversation is out of the question.
I was often described as hot-headed. I thought I didn't act on emotions. But to tell the truth, I was expressing the stress, frustration, and annoyance I had with myself. So, when I was expressing my emotions to others, I was expressing those emotions on me.
So, before you jump into having those tough conversations with your loved ones, you need to pause and ask how you communicate with yourself first.
Your Communication Style
I don't know about you, but when I have to make a tough decision, I like to talk it through. I don't necessarily need another person to talk to. I usually talk it out loud to myself. What decision I make often depends on the health of the conversation I have with myself.
If you talk to yourself healthily and positively, you will be talking the same way to others. That does not mean that you snap at others only because you snap at yourself. There will be a lot of emotions playing up, especially when your stress level rises.
The fact is that the longest relationship you will ever have is with yourself.
To build healthy relationships with others, you need to have a healthy relationship with yourself first.
How do you talk to yourself when you are calm and relaxed? And how do you communicate your needs or worries when you feel stressed?
There is no wrong or right answer here. Remember your emotions are driving your way of expressing yourself. Paying attention to what is happening inside and outside of us can help to recognize where some adjustments may be needed.
Talk to Your Best Friend
Wouldn’t be lovely to talk to yourself the way you would talk to your best friend? This will not only improve your mental state but will help you to build lasting, meaningful relationships with others.
And then you can go on and have those tough, but important conversations.
When you recognize how healthy your self-talk is you can be more forgiving towards yourself. You will truly commit to following through on those significant health and well-being goals.
Imagine that you are rested when you get up. You are calmer and your anxiety level is much lower.
You are showing yourself that you are worthy of love and care.
And how about your loved ones? Maybe they were feeling stressed too and weren’t able to communicate this to you clearly? But now you know that they didn’t mean it. You can help them to start positive self-talk to open the channels of communication with you.
How to Have Tough Conversations
That happy and smiling family from a magazine cover can easily be you and your family. Maybe at the moment, you are rushing to get everything organized for that big Sunday brunch and that makes you get short with yourself.
When stress enters the scene, the rational part of our brain shuts down and the emotional side takes over. It is hard to have tough conversations when you feel pressured, fearful, or uneasy.
You always communicate with yourself. And the healthier the communication you have with yourself, the better is to communicate effectively with others.
Emotions will always play a big part in how effectively we put our points across. That is why being understanding and compassionate with yourself will help you to have those tough conversations with your loved ones.
Are you part of my community? Join my newsletter to get the latest action steps on how to eat a healthy plant-based diet, de-stress, manage your time better, prioritize yourself, and anything in between so that you INCREASE your energy, SAVE time and INVEST well in your wellness!